The BPD is comfortable. It's all I've ever known. It's too fucking hard to become a good person. Cause yeah I'm a toxic asshole. I am very petty and cold at times. I like to hurt people sometimes because I feel hurt or just because they annoyed me for a second. I want people yet I don't. I want to fill the loneliness but otherwise most people are fucking annoying. Like just fulfill my loneliness and tell me I'm worth something, then go away until I need you again. And don't you dare fucking ignore me.
im miserable without you
:/ im just having a rough time existing
no one understands how much the thought of death relaxes me, my fp hates when i talk about death or wanting to kill myself because it makes him upset which is valid but i just don’t understand because the thought of death is so beautiful to me.
i'm just a shell of a person. i have no desires. i don't want to do anything. get attached to anyone. leave my house. live. just want to physically fade the same way my mind has.
if im not obsessed with my fp, i physically have no idea how to converse with him
i either obsess or i make too much distance
theres no in-between
how do i explain to someone that i don't regret anything i've ever done and that i regret everything i've ever experienced, at the same time, constantly


