i wish i could be more productive in life but all my energy and time goes to trying to keep myself alive
TW BPD / FP TALK
let me explain how i would describe having a fp / bpd episode
- i literally had a panic attack over eye contact and micro details that no one could notice, and because they (my fp) talked to someone else more than me. They also left me persuaded they despite me more than absolutely everything
- had a whole breakdown but by breakdown I mean emptying my entire soul on the floor crying n balling my eyes out without any possibility to breath or calm myself down for a whole hour (it’s long when stuff like this is happening) because they asked a question to someone they didn’t ask me
- got absolutely the drunkest of my life because of that breakdown or something else but close to that
- am absolutely delusional like it is absolute delusion
- impossible for me not to think of them for more than like 10 minutes (2 minutes MAX. at my worse like I’m not exaggerating) and by them I mean their whole person, presence, voice, personality, mimics, colors I assigned them with, their expressions, their shadow, silhouette etc
- I feel like it’s EATING me alive it hurts my head so much
- I have delusional thoughts and attached over them
Anyways there’s WAY much more believe me but I’m tired good night
Being shown love and interpreting it as fake because it’s so uncomfortably unfamiliar
Autism + ADHD is having a new hyperfixation every 30 seconds and it just becomes a cycle
i got a New Planner which means that i will suddenly and miraculously become organized despite this technique never having worked in the past
Anonymous asked:
BPD culture is getting horribly upset over someone's tone sounding slightly off and you're telling yourself you dont need them anyway and they can disappear for all you care, and the second they say something okay again your serotonin shoots through the roof and you're all happy again
mentally-ill-and-nd-culture-is answered:
.
