god help me i am unwell beyond compare <3
not wanting to eat bc i have no energy and having even LESS energy bc i DIDNT EAT
i hate how when i go to my therapist appointments and say how my default is always feeling severely depressed and never knowing why i feel that way or completely batshit crazy while scream crying and trying to unalive myself and they’re like “just change your perspective. if you see the good in life then your days will be good” no it fucking won’t richard, i’ve tried that for 10 years now and guess fucking what
i’m still suicidal and mentally unstable
me “changing my perspective” won’t cure my fucking severe mental illnesses, stop feeding me bullshit and try to actually help me instead of invalidating my feelings and issues- jesus fucking christ
signs of csa in children
- new, sudden, and/or extreme personality changes
- no longer wanting or accepting affection, fear of being touched in any way
- new and intense fears that would be abnormal for a child to have (ex. a man in the closet trying to strangle them)
- increased aggression
- fearing members of a certain sex- strangers or even family and relatives
- going back to behaviours they've grown out of (bedwetting, thumbsucking, etc)
- new fears of being alone
- spending more time alone than usual
- excessive fear & worry
- nightmares & scared of being alone at night
- writes, draws, plays, dreams, or talks about frightening & disturbing images and situations
- refusing to remove or change clothing for bath time, bed, bathroom, etc
- night terrors
- fear and/or refusal of being in certain places or with certain people
- overly compliant and obedient behaviour
- chronic, unexplained headaches or stomachaches
- self esteem issues, viewing their body as bad or dirty
- new words for certain actions or body parts
- saying or doing things that have sexual nature
- excessive crying and tantrums for seemingly "no reason"
- being protective of younger children or siblings, friends, or relatives of similar age
- changes of eating habits
- sudden clinginess
- shame surrounding their body
- problems at school
- dropping hints (ex. "___ acts funny with me" or "___ says i have to keep a special secret" or someone makes them uncomfortable)
- sleeping problems like insomnia
- questions about keeping secrets
- signs of UTI, STD, or STI
- unexplained injuries, swelling, bruising, or redness of genitals or soft parts of the body
although displaying these behaviours aren't always indicative of csa, if something seems off or you start to suspect something please say something.
In a borderline childhood, we were forced to experience dramatically different emotions like a switch. It made us dysregulated and unable to integrate the black and white into grey, carrying the dichotomous thinking into every inch of us.
When we were on cloud 9, we got yelled at and beaten.
When we felt safe and attached, we were abandoned abruptly or abused severely.
This extreme nervous system dysregulation is a key hallmark in bpd.
We need to regulate and feel safe. Know things are not black and white. Know we can love safely and be ourselves.
