trauma sideblog, yandere, bpd, depressed asf
I hate being like this I’m so attached… All I want is their attention 24/7 when reality that’s not how things can be, and it hurts that it can’t be like that. It’s like I can’t live without them ,feeling horrible until they make me feel good about myself, not eating and harming myself more because I’m not good enough for them.
i’m literally like so depressed and idk what to do anymore.. i feel like i have no reason to be depressed.
having a therapist that doesn’t really care sucks.
not having a therapist sucks more.
i’m just tired of living bro
the intensity of my emotions is so scary sometimes. i am so tired of people not understanding what bpd is and how it truly genuinely warps my brain and my feelings and that i cannot handle certain things at all. constant back and forth in relationships makes me feel crazy. i cannot stand not having a solid relationship with someone. feeling like i’m always on the edge of being left behind or that i can be replaced or that other people get the same treatment as me makes me feel so terrible. i’m not sure how to explain how fucking bad it is for me and how it makes me want to start arguments and be mean and cry and throw up and hurt myself and threaten people. like it’s not helpful for me at all to constantly feel like i’m losing my mind lol. i don’t like feeling so bad or that i’m getting abandoned and i need people to genuinely do research into bpd and what it means to be with someone who has bpd and ask me questions about my bpd before they let me get attached because i cannot do this shit anymore LOL
the bpd urge to do a bunch of toxic shit and push everyone away so they can't abandon you but also do a bunch of toxic shit to hold onto those ppl because you don't know who you are without them--
want him to be as obsessed with me as i am him so that any time someone else even breathes around him, he's disgusted about the fact that they aren't me.
