i just really need to be appreciated
i wish people would stop caring about my wellbeing and safety. it would feel so much better if i could do as much harm to myself as i wanted without having people restraining me.
I hate my brain.
I hate that I obsess over people and dedicate my life and every fiber of my being to worshiping them.
I hate how when I think when I’m finally doing better something triggers me and sucks me down so I feel like I’m exactly where I was before.
I hate the days where breathing feels exhausting when I’ve genuinely been doing well lately. It makes me angry.
I’m still angry.
I just want to be held, caressed, enveloped in love.
I crave for a gentle touch and soft coo, the whispers of sweetness.
I wish for a day where I no longer tense- where I’m held and my spine relaxes.
I hope to have that, hoping one day- one day I’ll be loved in a way I crave.
In the way I need..
am i ever going to get better, or should i just accept that this is how its going to be for the rest of my life
