me: i hate alcohol
also me: i love alcohol
When phoebe bridgers said “I hate you for what you did but I miss you like a little kid” I was shot through time and space to see 8 year old me with my dad
i hate being high functioning and mentally ill like yes i can exist and i can do things and i can work but god i am so mentally drained i dont want to exist. why do i exist?????????????
One of the worst parts of bpd is how self aware i am but still i cannot control myself during my manic rage..
it can be really difficult, triggering and emotionally draining to recognise, acknowledge and realise your traumas. it can feel like your mental health is worsening upon seeing the full picture of what happened to you and how it’s affecting you now. whether it has been days, weeks, years or even decades since the traumas were formed, i want you to know that it’s okay to have a hard time facing them. more than okay. it’s okay to feel like it’s impossible or even counterproductive at times. your brain is trying to protect you. it’s okay. i know it’s hard, but you can do it. you can work through it and soon enough you’ll feel warm, safe and comfortable again. be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel the way you do. it’ll get better, i promise.
splitting is so crazy. one minute i’m on the bathroom floor sobbing with a horrible ache in my chest bc i no longer feel like i’m part of my own family and i just feel like an outsider, watching through the glass.
but then in the middle of this meltdown, it just turns off. my emotions shut down, i wipe my tears, and i forget entirely what that ache in my chest from just a few minutes ago felt like. im numb, sitting on the bathroom floor just feeling empty.
*goes from depressed to overwhelmingly anxious to affectionate to angry to suicidal to neutral in a grand total of 0.2 seconds* life is beautiful