"you aren't you" "you don't act the same" bro i don't even know who i am & i have no sense of self. what more do u want from me
i gave you every single last part of me and that still wasn't enough.
how google defines bpd:
fear of abandonment, impulsivity, suicidal thoughts
what bpd ACTUALLY is:
fear of being abandoned so you push everyone away but then you start feeling unloved and lonely as fuck and you feel like you have no one and life has no purpose and you want to die and you impulsively start hurting yourself for being needy and nothing seems enough no amount of affection or reassurance pulls you out of that big hole you've sent yourself in and it makes you fucking anxious to reach out to people because you don't want to seem attention seeking so you just remain to yourself, hurt yourself whenever you need reassurance, push people away because "you know they're going to leave eventually" it's a cycle that's so fucking hard to get out of.
The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special...
then suddenly leaves you alone...
and you have to act like you don't care at all...
Wanting to tell someone how much they hurt you and explain the pain to them but then forcing yourself to accept the fact if they really cared they wouldn’t have hurt you in the first place
you could stab me in the chest while staring straight into my eyes and i would still find you beautiful. you could rip my heart out from my bare chest and i’d give into you until my last moment. you could slap me until i’m bruised and bloody and i’d still do anything for you, only for you. i do it all for you.
There is no “one true way” to heal from trauma. What works for one person may not work for another.
It’s okay to heal your own way and at your own pace.
I think I just realized that I’m never gonna be happy.
I mean what I feel at this point is just a chemical balance in my brain, no matter what I do I will always feel this way.
But maybe this is happiness? Realizing that you will always feel sort of bad? Maybe MY happiness is just feeling comfortable in sadness?