trauma sideblog, yandere, bpd, depressed asf
don’t you dare compare me to them, i would never treat you like they did
i’m tired of saying i’m at the lowest point in my life because somehow, every single fucking time my life gets worse. its like the world is out to get me. i don’t know how it keeps getting worse cuz you would assume it couldn’t, but then it does and i’m tired of it. my favorite person tells me not to hurt myself since i’ve been clean for so long so i used a marker to mark where i would and holy shit there were alot. sometimes i miss self harming, but recently i really have.
can we discuss the void we tend to feel because of bpd? nothing makes sense. your favourite movies don’t bring you comfort. going out with friends feels strange. food tastes like nothing. songs have empty lyrics. the sun feels like your enemy and the darkness your one and only friend.
the emptiness is just as much of a killer as the presence of a thousand emotions hitting you at once.
it’s completely unfair for me to be infuriated at you because of what your mind tells you but holy fuck i wish i could just show you how wrong your mindset is. i wish i could show you all the love you deserve.
the fact you give me butterflies by the simplest sentences makes me so upset i want to off myself. you are the most annoying, enraging and aggravating son of a bitch but in the same moment you’re equally the best, most important and absolutely the most gorgeous person inside and out that i’ve ever known and it makes me frustrated that i feel so contradicting about you.
you make my heart race in both the entranced and the most angriest ways, but either way i love you more than words could begin to describe and that’s why i’m so angry at myself. even if i gave you all my love, sadly in life you can’t love someone into falling in love with you back.
and sometimes i fucking hate you for it, why can’t you just open your eyes and see how fucking much i’d do for you? i would fucking kill for you and yet you don’t recognize how fucking important you are to me. i hate how much i rely on you, it makes me feel pathetic. the fact i can’t get it to go away even if i tried is the worst part.
life is so unfair giving me a soulmate i can’t have. it hurts to know that if you don’t walk away, someday i’ll have to watch you walk down the aisle and marry someone else who can’t give you half the amount of dedication i’d give you. i’d give you all of the love you deserve, i’d do anything for you- i’d throw everything i’ve ever known away for you. and yet i watch you fall for people that use you and then throw you away like a burnt cigarette. it’s so fucking unfair.
i’d never ever do that to you, you make me feel alive. you feel like home, i feel at home in your arms and it’s haunting. i know i’ll never feel like this again and it’s the worst thing to think about. you make me feel safe, like i can hold onto you until the end of time but i know better. i know that it can only be a dream, never a reality.
i guess life’s lesson to me is to not let someone be so important but the damage is already done and now i pay the price for it every single day. i told you today that someday my time will end and it will be okay. you said you want me to stay with you, and i will for now but i’d stay here forever if it meant i could have the chance to be yours- but i don’t. that’s why i have to go, i have to go before you fall for the one you’re gonna marry. i wanna be long gone before that so i don’t even get the chance to mourn losing you.
i think i’ll love you until my time on this floating rock we call earth ends. it’s okay that you don’t love me back- i’d be concerned if you did, i wouldn’t deserve you. you’ve been so kind to me, no one has ever been so gentle to my soul and that’s what hurts the most. even though you make my heart full of a thousand butterflies, it also hurts every day. but i’ll still run back to you every chance i get, i guess i’ll never get tired of the pain.
i am someone that loves self sabotage and self harm so i guess it makes sense why your presence is a drug i’m addicted to. i could spend every single moment with you but it still wouldn’t feel like enough. that’s when i knew i’d fallen way too hard and that it will absolutely break me when you realize that you don’t have to deal with me and my bullshit anymore.
- the things i wish i could tell him
i genuinely wish i was dead , but i also wish i didn’t have to actually go through the process of killing myself. just let me fall asleep and never wake up.
if you have a cluster b disorder, reblog this with which disorder you have and your myers-briggs personality type, i’m tryna see something
bpd and infp-t
