i think one of the worst things about abandonment issues is that you spend your life in a constant cycle of expecting someone to leave, consequently doing shit that’ll make them leave, and then affirming to yourself that they were gonna leave the whole time because of who you are as a person
Okay. I’m going to explain how is it like to depend on someone. I’m going to tell you that this is the most fucked up thing in life that could happen to anyone. A fp will take you to the sky, will make you feel alive, but will also make you feel mad and suicidal. They will make you feel things you never knew you could feel. They will make you feel anxious and angry everytime they take a while to reply, they will leave you thinking they found another person to pay attention or that they don’t love you anymore. They will make you feel dead when they go out with their friends, without you. They will make you feel hate for they friends, just because their friends probably make them happy too, and you’re the only one who can make your fp happy. You’ll feel like a puppy at his door, waiting for him to come back. They will make you feel alive everytime they are with you talking to you, and paying attention exclusively to you. They will make you want to live forever. But they will also make you feel bad when they talk to someone else. Or when they play a game. Or when they get happy without you. You will feel jealous of everything. Because that’s what they make you feel. You’ll get jealous because how can they get happy with anything when you can only get happy when they are there for you? How do they let it happen? They should only feel happy and have joy when with you only. And no one and nothing else. But they’re so different from us. They don’t get us. They don’t understand our feelings. How intense they are. They don’t know how is it to depend their mood on someone. To idolize them and later thinking they are the worst person in the world.
They won’t understand why you’re going to have a breakdown at 3am saying that they didn’t stayed enough with you. Or that they didn’t talk to you enough. Because the time you give to them is always going to be enough. They don’t understand why we get mad at their friends, at their things, at games they play, at everything. Because they don’t feel the same. They don’t feel the same emptiness like us. The depressive mood and emptiness you get when you remember they don’t really love you like you love them. And this. This is going to hurt you a lot. This is going to break you in half. Because nobody knows how is it to have an fp, unless you have one. And let me tell you: it’s one of the worst things in life.
