trauma sideblog, yandere, bpd, depressed asf
BPD is having a mental breakdown but refusing to contact anyone because they won’t actually care and you don’t want to bother them or upset them with your erratic behavior so you just sit in your room and hope you can find a way to distract your mind before you hurt yourself
having bpd is so hard because you literally cannot tell if people are really showing you that they don’t care about you or if it’s just your bpd telling you that they don’t care about you
im so angry i hate having this shit disorder i dont wanna have fucking fps and i dont wanna have emotional impermanence and i dont wanna have abandonment issues and i dont wanna split and i dont want it i cant handle this anymore
You are tapping your foot. Someone asks you to stop. You do. You feel no ill effects aside from maybe disappointment at having to stop. You tap your foot often. This is a habit.
You are tapping your foot, whether you want to or not. Someone asks you to stop. You can’t. If you try to it feels like holding in a sneeze and the pressure builds up. It might come out in a different, even less controllable action. This is a tic.
You are tapping your foot. Someone asks you to stop. You do, but immediately feel worse physically or emotionally. It was a way for you to express yourself and how you feel. You may feel pressure. This is a stim.
You are tapping your foot. Someone asks you to stop. You can’t, because if you do something bad will happen, possibly some specific bad thing. You know it’s irrational, but not doing it gives you anxiety. This is a compulsion.
You are tapping your foot. Someone asks you to stop. You can’t, because if you do this specific bad thing will happen. It is not irrational to you, although it is to others. This is an erratic/disorganized behavior.
heres the thing about people with BPD. there will be slip-ups. most of us understand we need to be controlling our symptoms so we dont lash out at people, but we are still ill. we do see in black and white. we do idealize people sometimes. we split. we hurt ourselves when we dont know what else to do. many NTs claim to support us until we actually show symptoms of our disorder. that is not support. that is holding us at a rediculously high standard (you have no idea how hard it is to control impulse) and snapping at us when we cant meet it.
im not saying people with bpd shouldnt be criticized for bad behavior. we are people as much as anyone else and we should be called out when we hurt people. but abandoning people with bpd and giving them ableism in response to their outbursts is not the way to go.
people with bpd mess up. people with bpd show symptoms of bpd, even when theyre trying to repress it. if you arent okay with that you arent a supporter.
Watch this *gets attached too fast and ends up becoming unhealthily reliant on people who never should’ve stuck around in your life for so long had you just learned how to develop normal and healthy relationships with people instead of clinging to any bit of attention whether positive or negative due to the effects of trauma and abandonment issues*
