trauma sideblog, yandere, bpd, depressed asf
Needing attention
Outbursts of emotion (especially anger)
Not getting out of bed
Social withdrawal
Self-destructive behaviours
Being ‘clingy’
Forgetting things
Getting upset about everything
Bad self-care
Promiscuity
‘Weird’ or ‘unusual’ triggers
Needing validation
Needing attention - with out constant stimulation from our relationships, we forget we even mean anything to anyone.
Outbursts of emotion (especially anger) - there are 5 intensity levels. at levels 4-5, we become the emotion. it sucks. (source: dialectical behavioral therapy)
Not getting out of bed - with bpd, depression is a reoccurring mood.
Social withdrawal - we are champs at perfecting facades. don’t always have the energy for it though.
Self-destructive behaviours - sometimes needed to escape those 4-5 intensity emotions.
Being ‘clingy’ - fear of abandonment. love addicted. not knowing how else to care about people.
Forgetting things - emotional impermanence. we lose perspective of things we did if its associated with something painful (aka all things, all things are painful).
Getting upset about everything - impossible to see the good in anything unless someone sucked the cognitive dissonance right out of our heads. in other words, splitting–it’s a thing.
Bad self-care- see: depression is a revolving and reoccurring mood.
Promiscuity - see: needing attention because we don’t feel like “real” people.
‘Weird’ or ‘unusual’ triggers - sorry if you hate the word ‘trigger’, but that’s exactly what this is. emotional ptsd. how else would you explain, “oh fuck, that song reminds me of when _____. welp. time to dissociate. haha i’m not here anymore. haha, i don’t feel anything.”???
Needing validation - we want attention to feel like people. we need validation to feel like good people.
you’re welcome.
me: i’m a very private person
someone: hi
me: so i’ll start by describing some of my lighter traumas before i get into the real bad stuff
me: i don’t want to be mentally ill
me, but quieter: but i also don’t want to recover because i don’t know who i’d be without my mental illnesses since they are practically my personality and recovery seems scary and it seems the only point of my life is to hurt because that’s all i’ve ever known. somehow mental illness is a comfort blanket even though it is the reason i need a comfort blanket to begin with and the world beyond this seems oddly confusing and terrifying
hey siri how do i explain that my behavior is a part of The Disorder without sounding like im using it as an excuse
i genuinely forget about The Disorders™ most of the time because they’re such a major part of my life and it all seems “normal” to me now but then i’ll mention a symptom to a NT and their shock/disgust/confusion reminds me that i’m one fucked up pumpkin
Please don’t promise people with BPD that you’ll never leave them because it’s an impossible promise to keep and it will hurt x10 more when you do leave
them: it’s not good to base your self worth off others’ opinions of you
me: i have a cluster b personality disorder sharon
