i want whatever the people who run at 6am have
am i the only one or do you ever just have one tiny insignificant thing happen to you and your immediate reaction is like-
TIME TO KILL MYSELF
i give the wrong people the right pieces of me and now i’m just a crushed soul. just waiting for someone to try to mend the crumbs of me that are left, to love me despite all the ruins, to cherish my broken soul and to be as obsessively in love with me as i will be for them
living with bpd is like the intense emotional pain you feel day in day out isnt enough, so you have to feel everything physically too and at the exact same time you will feel it in every cell in ur body. the loneliness, the emptiness, the sadness, the boredom. you will live in endless pain but remember; don’t overreact or else you’re being another one of those “toxic borderlines” that manipulate and abuse people, the ones that are “evil people” “with no respect for others”
if i don’t ghost you for months, just know that you’re special
i hate that i’m the type of person that shuts down and doesn’t talk to people for weeks sporadically but when someone does it to me i get so fucking angry, this is another reason why everyone leaves me because i’m literally such a hypocrite what the fuck
i hate how when i go to my therapist appointments and say how my default is always feeling severely depressed and never knowing why i feel that way or completely batshit crazy while scream crying and trying to unalive myself and they’re like “just change your perspective. if you see the good in life then your days will be good” no it fucking won’t richard, i’ve tried that for 10 years now and guess fucking what
i’m still suicidal and mentally unstable
me “changing my perspective” won’t cure my fucking severe mental illnesses, stop feeding me bullshit and try to actually help me instead of invalidating my feelings and issues- jesus fucking christ
i really fucking wish i was the type of mentally ill that’s quiet, delicate, gentle, fragile, awkward and passive instead of being a horrible, loud and an annoying rage filled monster. society seems to be more accepting of the gentle and fragile people than cluster b and “aggressive” people
mfs say “i’m fine” then detach themselves from everyone in their lives for weeks. that’s me, i’m mfs
having bpd is so exhausting, i hate this disorder so fucking much
