when my psychiatrist changes my meds around
it’s a game and i’m a pawn. it either works and i feel great or i don’t get out of bed for weeks because i can’t mentally handle anything anymore
haha yep
the only thing that is keeping me alive is the fear it won’t work and having to see everyone’s faces again. that was so humiliating, i tried to kill myself but i just ended up being a mourn museum. absolutely disgusting. i never want to see their faces like that ever again. the only time they paid attention is when i was almost dead, it was even worse when they saved me. they should’ve just let me go, it would’ve been less embarrassing.
me, manic: life is beauty!! life is grace!!
me, bpd rage: i’m about to punch this bitch in the face -_-
phrases i’ve said that remind me “wow i have bpd”
- *complaining about the packed grocery store* “i miss when i used to think people didn’t exist unless they were around me”
- *sobbing to my friends in my lunch period* “i am an actual failure, i have the worst brain ever. i hate my life why does this have to happen to me. i’m so fucking stupid. i hate being so useless” *proceeds to eat a cosmic brownie* “lol nvm i’m so dramatic, i just needed my daily bang energy and a cosmic brownie.”
- *doesn’t talk to my friends for 3 months but texts the gc* “hi whores, i’m back from my isolation vacation :)”
- *texts fp* “if you woke up one day and i was a worm would you still love me? 🥺”
- *splits on fp and starts a heated argument* “wait i’m sorry for being so mean. i love you, you’re not mad at me right? 🥺”
me: *having a bpd meltdown*
my adhd brain:
✨coochie dirty, coochie shower
coochie hungry, coochie devour✨
BLOCK DON’T REPORT,, IM NOT IN CRISIS
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transguy — nineteen — he/they — irl mlm yandere
this is a vent account, i am not pro or romantizing any aggressive behaviors. i just have bpd and obsess over him!!
★ all things on this blog are trauma related or intrusive thoughts and should NOT be portrayed as sexual or romanticized content.
look at hashtags, i always forget to put tw in the post
｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★, ｡･:*:
do not interact if:
nsfw, pro anything (unless recovery), pedo or any other gross person
any of the phobics (homo, trans, etc.), racist or ableist
age regressor; for your own safety, not because of you <3
｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★, ｡･:*:
★ please nothing sexual towards me, it makes me uncomfortable
｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★, ｡･:*:
main tws - sui talk, angry vents, intrusive and violent thoughts, love pining, obsessive love, splitting
feel free to dm or ask as long as it’s not sexual :)
｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★, ｡･:*:
yan mbti - RAHL (reverent, aware, honest, lenient)
personality mbti - infp-t
｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★, ｡･:*:
definition of favorite person; a favorite person is someone that a person with a mental illness will rely on for support and often looks up to or idolizes them. it’s most common with people who have borderline personality disorder (bpd) to have a fp and they usually only have one, but some people can have many - for the people that ask in my comments :)
｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★, ｡･:*:
my blogs:
★ tourettes side acct for anyone interested: @ticcticcticcattack
★ my main account that i follow and reply from, for anyone interested:
★ cluster fuck account with all different mental illnesss stuff:
｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ’★, ｡･:*:
reminder: if you are a nsfw account, minor or age regression account i will not interact with you. it makes me uncomfortable, and i will not engage in conversation or reply to anything you dm, comment or ask. nothing against against anyone but i am 19 years old and minors and age regressors are not encouraged on this account for triggering content let alone to message me. i have no interest of nsfw accounts asking or replying to my content either so i will not reply.
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FOR ANYONE CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT BPD IS:
MORE IN DEPTH EXPLANATION OF SPLITTING:
[tw: self harm + death mention] don’t you dare remind me i have no friends. you’re always too busy for me, so you know what i do? nothing, absolutely fucking nothing cuz i don’t know how to live without you. please just fucking love me, i can’t live like this anymore. i will kill myself if you keep ignoring me like this. i need you. you don’t understand how much i mean that, if you were to walk away right now i would go to my razor and cut myself until i bleed out. i’d have nothing to live for.
i fucking hate having a fp
literally fuck you and i hope you die
but only for the next 5 minutes, then i’ll be absolutely infatuated and hopelessly in love with you all over again.
every time you send a dry text or you take 5 hours to respond it feels like your hand is being plunged into my bare chest and ripping my heart out, and if i were to say this out loud i would be being “manipulative” and “dramatic” but it actually feels like i’m dying. it feels like i’m being physically hurt, but of course i still run after you because who would i be without you? i would have nothing to live for, no one to obsessively think about and adore. i would have no one to be completely and whole heartedly in love with, and being absolutely infatuated with you is the worst pain i’ve felt in my life but i wouldn’t change it for a second. you are the worst and best thing that’s ever happened to me but goddamn it i wouldn’t be here without you. i owe everything to you, i fucking adore you my beloved.