some people bring up things i did during manic episodes at random and these stories hit me like bullets. to them it’s just a weird nonsensical story but to me it’s coated in shame.
it’s a big ass struggle
do i want to crawl inside my fps torso and live in his rib cage? yes.
does it ruin my mood every time i realize i’ll never be able to be as physically close to him as i long to be?
also yes
parents will be like “why don’t you trust me??” then continue to consistently trigger the trauma responses they instilled into you
rage crying is so embarrassing
i’m not cool. i’m annoying, sad, depressed, delusional, paranoid, anxious, pathetic, and just the total opposite of anything good.
nobody:
me: am i annoying you? do u hate me?
i want love but i self sabotage it because i feel like i don’t deserve it