bpd loneliness is literally hell…it’s a constant ache in my chest knowing i have no one here to cuddle or even fall asleep on video calls with
feeling abandoned over the smallest things ever slay
“people pleaser” my ass all i do is disappoint
late night calls? i miss that shit
at this point how violently i flinch at loud noises is just straight up annoying like can you stop embarrassing me everyone can tell you have trauma
“u okay?” no i just want to feel loved by someone without thinking they’re lying to me
i’m a cunt, why do i have people in my life? i genuinely don’t know why they’re still here..
what if he shows a pic of me to his friends and they say “as long as you’re happy bro” :,)
pushing others away as a test is a toxic coping mechanism i learned to challenge the love ppl in my life have for me. i’m so afraid of being abandoned, if i push them away and they go then its not as painful as if they randomly leave me. its like a controlled selffulfilling prophecy
i don’t fucking deserve them, and that knowledge alone breaks me in every way possible