nightmare in disguise (Posts tagged bpd favorite person)

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

having a fp means your thought space is occupied with them 99% of the time and your emotions are at the mercy of the way they treat u 24/7, where even neutral expression feels like a rejection that can fling u into a full blown break down, questioning your own worth and whats wrong with you. it’s crazy how much having a fp can mentally and emotionally affect us

actually bpd bpd problems bpd vent actually borderline actually mentally ill bpd fp bpd bpd shitposting bpd favorite person bpd mood borderline favorite person favorite person fp bpd fp tag fp tingz
bleedingmushrooms
bleedingmushrooms

I just wanna have a toxic relationship with a mentally ill boy who controls me but I control them back, we fight, we makeup, we trauma dump, we manipulate each other, we are possessive, we have breakups where we stalk each other and try to make the other jealous even though we only want each other, we get back together and completely praise and make the other feel like a king, we say we only need each other, etc. Is that so hard to ask for?

xb0rder-7inex

No you fucking don't. This isn't a relationship, it's a trauma bond.

Listen as a cluster B I understand romanticizing toxic relationships but I loved somebody so fucking much that when we fought and he wanted nothing to do with me I literally wanted to end my life. I had contemplations of hanging myself from the bars on his basement suite windows and if he hadn't been asleep in the other room I would have gone through with it. Literally the only thing stopping me was knowing I couldn't put him through being the one to find me.

I loved him more than I have ever loved anything in my entire fucking life and it was also the most painful fucking year I've ever experienced.

I would still do anything for him but the discards and the manipulation and the fight for power by controlling each other and how much it hurts when he turns in to someone else and the guilt you feel when it's your turn to be the one to fuck things up isn't worth it. It's just not.

Find someone who fucking loves you. Romanticize your partner being your safe place. Find someone who holds your pieces together when you feel like falling apart.

I'd have given anything for him to be that person for me. I hurt every day that he's not here. I'd give anything to make him laugh again. He was everything to me, and if I could be his girl for just one more day I'd give up my entire life.

bleedingmushrooms

No, I totally understand what you mean and I agree with it. But I genuinely can't stand healthy it scares me and I run away. I'm always afraid to fuck it up because I have adopted some of the traits of my abusers. Or at least I think I did and I don't wanna hurt anyone, especially someone who truly cares for me.

I've never had a healthy relationship. And the only thing I know is toxic. Toxicity upon toxicity is all I've been brainwashed to like.

I'm really sorry that happened to you, I know how hard it is. It hurts so fucking bad.

But, It's hard for people to love me. Especially with my stupid psychosis. They get scared, genuinely scared and leave. If someone healthy leaves me that's the end of me. That will genuinely fuck me up for life.

No one wants to stick around for my psychotic episodes that I have very frequently. And I understand them.

honeypleasejustkillme

“toxicity upon toxicity is all i’ve ever been brainwashed to like” felt that in my fucking soul

every person is valid and if toxicity is what you like/are used to then that’s up to you.. i know that’s what i’m used to :/

actually mentally ill actually borderline borderline personality disorder bpd fp trauma core bpd favorite person yandere male yandere mlm yandere