i finally figured out what the huge lump in my throat was, an huge fucking breakdown because life is so shitty rn
im just built different (unstable)
i feel fine (i want to kill myself)
ahhaha :,)
i wish my first reaction wasn’t “they’re going to leave me” every time something i do ends up mildly upsetting someone i care about :(
hates being told what to do 🤝 likes getting dominated
i love you so much it hurts
i’m so tired of people saying “you can only go so far down until you climb back up :)”
i’m telling you, my entire life has been a downhill,, i just don’t believe you anymore.. every time i think it can’t get worse it does
why do i always end up alone no matter what
i’ve fallen for you.
so hard.
i’ve hit the ground. gone right through it. never in my life have i felt this. nothing like this. i’ve felt shame and cowardice, weakness and strength. i’ve known terror and indifference. self-hate and general disgust. i’ve seen things that can’t be unseen.
and yet i’ve known nothing like this terrible, horrible, paralyzing feeling of being unloved by you. desperate and out of control, every day i feel sick, empty and somehow aching. love is a heartless bastard.