i really hate how intense bpd is, just for those intense feelings to go away again. it’s just so fucking pointless. my whole body goes numb i feel a huge pit in my heart and stomach and not just mental symptoms but physical ones and for what? i hate this
i feel all of this and none of it is even real. yeah it’s real to me but the illness makes it all worse which makes me feel like this and im so sick of it. im sick of feeling things to this extreme when half of it isn’t even real
idk how to explain this. like it is real, but it’s just so extreme? and it’s so painful and intense and it just feels so pointless because i’ll be ok again, but it’s so intense my whole body is effected by it and my head. it feels impossible to see clearly. it doesn’t matter how much awareness i have, i know it’s happening but i might aswell not even have control of my own mind and body because i can’t stop how intense it is. it’s so fucking unfair and i hate this illness for making me feel so out of control of my own mind and body i just want it to stop


