why do i always end up alone no matter what
i’ve fallen for you.
so hard.
i’ve hit the ground. gone right through it. never in my life have i felt this. nothing like this. i’ve felt shame and cowardice, weakness and strength. i’ve known terror and indifference. self-hate and general disgust. i’ve seen things that can’t be unseen.
and yet i’ve known nothing like this terrible, horrible, paralyzing feeling of being unloved by you. desperate and out of control, every day i feel sick, empty and somehow aching. love is a heartless bastard.
i’m so sick and tired of change, why can’t everything just stay the same forever.. why did you have to take away my safe space :((
i’m not a real person i am just made up of abandonment issues and identity issues and mommy issues and daddy issues and attachment issues and anger issues
something is being held back in my throat and i don’t know what it is, maybe a good cry? a scream? a scream cry? i don’t know what it is but i don’t like this feeling.
the fact that i can’t live in his pocket is genuinely offensive
“i need him like water
he thinks that i’m alright”
yea that’s about as accurate as anything :(
i would smoke in a psych ward bathroom with all of you <3
i manipulate this man into putting me down so hopefully it breaks my love for him away but every time it just makes me change myself more and more :/
i hate how sensitive i am, i literally break my own heart